CHINA PLAGUED BY RISE IN DRUNKEN WISEASSES

The Chinese Government has admitted that it is struggling to deal with "Western-style" drunken wise-asses--popping up everywhere throughout China.  

Here, Xiang Xin, mugs for the camera shortly before barfing all over the Tienanmen Square guards' shoes.

Mexican girl plays "Hide-and-Go-Seek" with a Tuba

 Consuela Maria Constanza Aguillar Maria Amarillo Maria Perez de Maria, 7, apparently confused about the general nature of "hide-and-go-seek,"  earnestly counts down from 50 while waiting for the Tuba to hide.

CRAZED CHINESE ZOMBIE BOY

A crazed, Chinese Zombie boy lashes out while undergoing treatment for his freaky ZOMBIE condition.

In this photo, Zhiu Chaing, age 5, ENRAGED with that tell-tale lust for flesh, lashes out at his father--trying to gnaw through his jacket, clear-through to his vital organs.

Stupid Zombie Boy!

Voted LEAST LIKELY TO EVER, EVER REPRODUCE

Introducing...2009's "Least Likely to ever reproduce....ever!"

(last year's winner:  Nancy Pelosi)

Terrorist Vending Machine demonstrated in a busy Airport!

Terrorist Vending Machine!

This amazing device, produced by the Iranian division of Wham-O, is the world's first successful attempt at the Terrorist Vending Machine.  

Says Ibrahim Bani-Sadr al Alouf: "It is an unbeatable value.  We offer our public a convenient service at a low cost...and with that certain 'Persian' flair that Iran is known for."

 

JD Salnger admits: "I only ever read the Cliffs Notes."

Reclusive writer, JD Salinger came forward today to admit that he has never actually read any of his books, including "Catcher in the Rye."

Salinger says that he, like zillions of American students, merely go by just with the Cliffs Notes versions of his works.

Very Late Term Abortion Performed on Kansas Abortionist

Late-term abortion specialist, Dr. George Tiller was gunned-down in the lobby of his church.  It is believed that Dr. Tiller was NOT in Church scouting out potential pregnant women and promoting his "speciality."

Technically, though it appears that he was indeed murdered, the official term from Planned Parenthood is that a VERY LATE TERM ABORTION was performed on the Dr. himself.  Therefore, no charges will be filed.  

Nancy Pelosi rules vote takes a dangerous turn

Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi during an intense floor debate, body-slams a house page for 'open defiance' when the page failed to curtsy as she passed in the hall.

Fashion Show! Fashion Show! Fashion Show at Lunch!

 Reality TV comes to Kabul, Afghanistan as 'Project Runway' electrifies this Muslim nation.  Though this week's winning garment STRONGLY resembles every previous week's winning 'ensemble,' tv producers note the intricate pattern in the air hole, as well as the 'Carolina blue' color.

Episcopalians gain 1st heterosexual priest in a decade

The Episcopal Church is cautiously admitting disgraced Catholic Priest Fr. Alberto Cutie.  Having been found by Miami photographers to be cavorting with a hottie latina, the Episcopal Church sent talent scouts to recruit the wayward priest.

The Episcopal Church doesn't usually bend its recruiting rules to find heterosexuals, but church leaders hope that Fr. Cutie may find some additional opportunities for degeneracy--ensuring a path to leadership.

Kim-Jong Il uses his POKEMON Card collection to threaten the West!

North Korean strong man, Kim Jong-Il attempts to threaten the West by withholding his classic POKEMON card collection.

GHOSTS captured on film!!!

Stunning News!! At last, GHOSTS have finally been captured on film! In this genuine photo, a gazillion ghosts are seen surrounding this hapless young arab chick.

CHINESE GYMNASTS GETTING EVEN TINIER!!

Chinese Gymnastics appear unconcerned in the wake of criticism received during the Beijing Olympic Games that Chinese gymnasts were just too dang small.  

In this photo, "18" year old gymnast, Pi Ping, performs her rings routine using PARIS HILTON's "Hoop-style" earrings.

Madrid BullFighter Seriously Kicks This Bull's Ass

Madrid Bullfighter, Manuel Estaban Ortillo Mendoza de Corazon Especiale, puts the SMACKDOWN on this bull.

Manuel's girly costume apparently lured the mighty bull into a false sense of security.

IRAN's TOP MODEL down to the FINAL FOUR!

   In Tehran, Iran, television viewers are going crazy over the "Burkha Babes" of the Middle East.